just hit me out of nowhere.
after a week of being stuck babysitting.
I have no social life again.
And I’m going to go crazy again.
I need to stop trying to make friends
With shitty people.

Fuck. Everything.

Plus side to not being your friend,
+ I no longer have to listen to your body stuff, even though you’re a babe, and everybody thinks so.
+ I no longer have to deal with friends asking my boyfriend how he dates me when my best friend is so hot, or other people only talking to me to bang you.
+ there won’t be 50 million dishes and gross fucking trash shit in my room and car that you leave for me to clean up
+ I am no longer responsible for cheering you up when you think about your ex.
+ to be continued.

So far, the only real downside is not being able to tell you how much fun I’m having. Or tell you when I meet guys you’d dig.

trust no bitch, love no ho.

i need to vent, 
because this tumblr post can’t talk back to me,
it can’t try and make me feel better,
or tell me that I shouldn’t care.
it’s just gonna let me get it all out,
no interruptions.  

just in case you see this, I am in no way shit talking.
I just need to get it out because I can’t hold it in forever.

I feel like you used me, and I feel like you use everybody around you.
I feel like when he left you, you had nobody because you had changed
your life to revolve around him, and his friends.
So then there I was, and I was willing to be with you,
day in, and day out.
I did everything with you, and at first, I helped you.
I made you feel better here and there, as much as I could.
So you accepted me into your life.

But then, as time went on,
missing him got worse for you,
our lives changed,
money and cars went away,
and then I couldn’t spend as much time with you.

You started partying more,
I couldn’t at all.

And then I met somebody.
Suddenly, I was doing things that reminded you more
of how alone you felt.

So now here I am.
You’ve told me, that you essentially hate me.
And I feel like, maybe you never cared.

At first, like, when I noticed our distance,
I was really, really sad,
probably around 3 or so weeks after I started dating him.
I didn’t know what to do,
I struggled with it a lot and always wondered
if I could fix it.

The last time was the worst,
it felt like a break up,
I cried for your mom, for Lemmy.
i cried for the times laying in your bed,
after shows, giggling and eating.
I cried for dancing in my car,
or yours,
to rack city bitch.

Then suddenly,
I snapped out of it.
I just got pissed,
and now I’m pissed, and I feel used.

My life feels amazing right now,
I probably got a job,
even though you’re not around to tell.

I’m about to spend 3 fucking wonderful days,
with this amazing man.

Lemmy is pre-walking,
and within two weeks or so,
she’ll be trampling everything.

& you won’t know any of this.
because you decided your issues,
with my weight, my boyfriend, my life…
were more important than our friendship.

So it’s like my sister told me,
“best friend is 10 letters, so is lying bitch.”

I’m over it.
I’ve never stopped caring about somebody so fast in my life.
But I have no emotions toward you.  

remember wanting to be those people,
who hate everything around them,
except their significant other?

just hit that point.
if you are not family, Lemmy or Brandon…
you can fuck right the fuck off.

More and more I’m becoming one of those people that hates everything. 
I always start to feel like that, but then my stupid big heart takes over,
and I can’t really hate everything. Because everything is beautiful. 

Today sucks. I feel miserable.
I just want to listen to music, and hide inside my head
maybe with tea.

How can I always be so optimistic?  
I don’t want to be anymore. I just want to stop thinking good things will happen.
I always get my hopes up.

I only have one person I can trust.
what the fuck is life, without people I can trust.

I hate everything.
I won’t in about 15 minutes.
But right now I do.

 

1. My boifran doesn’t like punk chicks, I just convinced him to. I actually smell really good, all of the time.
2. Yus. I am very much in love.

1. Yes, duh we have sex.
2. We met because I saw him bending over on stage at a show, and I started talking about how cute he was without knowing the guy next to me was his bud.

Oh hai issues,
Welcome back.
Fuck every thing. And every one.

we sat like children,
giggling, ignorant, blissful
your eyes telling stories,
wise beyond your years,
but you,
you’re my fountain of youth,
giggling, ignorant, blissful
I will bathe in you,
your fingers grazing strings,
almost as beautiful as when they graze me,
we’re barely touching
yet I’m all over you,
so we sit like children,
giggling, ignorant, blissful,
palms still sweating two months in,
my heart begins to beat with you,
with the movement of your fingers,
your body, your lips,
they all now move my rhythm.